My name is Shawanna, and I am so glad you are here because this is a place where you will find comfort, reassurance, and hope. I know what it feels like to be depressed, lonely, and trying to find the strength to cope with everyday life after losing someone so dear to my heart. I cannot count the many nights I’ve cried, had panic attacks, and struggled to get out of bed. My mom’s death took the best of me, and I felt that no one would really understand. Grieve on this level was something new to me, it was sudden and unexpected. I will never forget that phone call and the nervousness and the shaking my body was doing; I remember it as if it was yesterday. Those images and surroundings still plague my head.
For me I thought that keeping busy would keep my head straight, thus trying to avoid the pain, so along with my baby sister we started a boutique business in honor of our mom because fashion was her thing, but then like a lightning bolt, it hit me…I never gave myself the chance to mourn. I was experiencing a form of grieve known as repressed grief along with chronic pain. For me to pull myself up, I sought help through writing and therapy, but comfort through God.
I know what it feels like to think that no one cares, to experience an emotional roller coaster or negative patterns that alter our behaviors and belief systems…I know…I am you! I have been there and till this day am working on ways to control my life for the better which I find through healthier methods. I know that one day we all have to leave this earthly plane, but the pain from death and the feeling of never being able to hear their voice again will be a journey that we have to embrace. Here is where I pray you will find support and encouragement.